My girlfriend only wants one thing from our relationship- should I settle or push for more?

 

My girlfriend only wants one thing from our relationship- should I settle or push for more?

Anonymous asks:

My girlfriend told me that our long distance relationship is only for fun because I live too far away and that it will take time for me to relocate. 

She said she will not relocate because she has a job she likes. 

When I asked her if she wanted to end it with me just because I am not at this moment in a position to travel that far- she said that we should continue and see where it goes. 

Should I try and pursue a serious relationship or call it quits? What would be your advice?

 

Relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “My answer will be dictated a lot by your ages and the circumstances of your lives, and sadly you don’t give those details. If you are both in your 30s and there is more of an urgency on finding someone to settle down with, then I would suggest you call it quits because of the rather lukewarm signals you are getting from your girlfriend. But I strongly suspect that you are both in your 20s and that requires a slightly different approach. The clue is her attitude and her saying that the relationship is ‘only for fun.’ This is a typical response from someone who is young and is still feeling their way when it comes to relationships. If I am honest, I admire your girlfriend’s honesty. She clearly likes having you around for the intimacy but doesn’t want to get too tied down with someone at this stage in her life when physical distance means that you will have to spend the majority of your lives apart. That makes abundant sense to me.

“I get the strong impression that you are keener on your girlfriend than she is on you. I think you want me to tell you that you should try to pursue a more serious relationship with her. And that is my advice, but you need to be patient at the moment. If you try to get more commitment from her at this stage, I suspect that she will walk away. If I were you I would just keep things going as they are, as she suggests, with you both meeting up when you can but not living in each other’s pockets. Yes, there is a danger she will meet someone else. Yes, there is a danger that she will have a fling while you are apart and maybe not tell you. But you are just going to have to take those risks if you want to stay in this relationship. Who knows? You might meet someone you like more - there are fresh options for both of you.
“I am hoping that over time your girlfriend will realise that she is on to a good thing with you and will be ready for more commitment. Hopefully by then you will be able to move so that you can be closer together (I don’t see any chance of her wanting to leave her job to be closer to you). I think that is the best route to happiness at this stage.
“If you go nuclear and press her for more commitment now, I fear that you will scare her off. Good luck.”

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